Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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