I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
