it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
