I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
