She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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