This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
