I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
