so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize