Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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