RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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