im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
