Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
