it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
