You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
