Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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