I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
