I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the day after is always just damage control
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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