I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
