This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
