My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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