I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
