I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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