I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
