I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize