I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
