Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Who died my cat blue again?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
