You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
