sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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