what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
