well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
