Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
