so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
