i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
