Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
