I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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