her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
