oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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