the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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