You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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