I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
