I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
