Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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