under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
