it was like eating out sand paper
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
