dude i'm inner monologue high
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
