as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
