i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
