if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
