He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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