Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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