Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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