I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
