Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize