'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
