She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
