my mouth tastes like poor choices
I faked an abortion last night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
