sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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