I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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