Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
