We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
