i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
