never play flip cup with pint glasses
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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