I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
