Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
