update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Randomize
