we made out on top of his cat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am one with the molecules
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
