Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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