He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
