The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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