Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
