Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
